GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

2) When your Mom is mad, don't let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

7) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

8) Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic-tac.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10) School lunches stick to the wall.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

2) There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3) You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.

5) The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires.

6) If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

7) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

8) Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

9) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

10) My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely